A woman we'll call "Jane" thought she was a great "catch" and a "perfect partner" but she wondered why her relationships always seemed to fail.

Here's what she wrote to us--

"I dated men of various ages and cultures but all my relationships ended up in disaster. I constantly searched, hoping for love to come my way. Then I started reading your newsletters. I carried a lot of personal baggage from my past and set unrealistic standards and expectations for my lovers hoping they would fail because I was afraid to fail. I was afraid they would hurt me and disappoint me, so I made sure I would be in control when they did."

In this situation, Jane has an incredible opportunity in front of her. She can continue as she has been, being fearful and attracting people who will disappoint her or she can learn from what she has discovered about her patterns from the past.

It's been our experience that we attract the people into our lives who show us what we need to heal within ourselves, new possibilities for the future, and the contrast of what we want and don't want in our lives.

We take the rather contrarian view that there are no relationship mistakes or failures and only opportunities to heal, learn, grow and experience joy.

Even though "Jane" thought her relationships were failures, each one was actually another chance to become more emotionally aware of what was going on inside her, what she wanted for her life and to give her an opportunity to heal and create new ways to do it differently.

What we have found is that we keep attracting the same type of person, not just intimate partners, and experiences into our lives until we heal the past and "do itdifferently."

Otto's car is a black Buick Century with leather seats. He's very hot natured and since we live in Ohio where the summers are very hot and humid, he suffers in his "hot" car. He loved the way the car looked on the showroom floor, but his day-to-day experience has given him a powerful lesson of what he doesn't want in a car. As you can imagine, he's made a clear intention through the power of contrast that his next car will not be black or have leather seats.

He had an opportunity to learn this lesson when he was 18 years old and drove a black Ford Pinto station wagon with no air-conditioning to Tampa, Florida at the beginning of August. He swore then as he sat in traffic with sweat dripping onto the steering wheel that he'd never have another black car.

Obviously, he hadn't learned this lesson so he needed to bring another black car into his experience.

The point is that Otto has finally learned from this valuable experience and will do it differently the next time, although he really likes a lot about his current car.

This story is an example of coming to an awareness of what you want and what you don't want and of learning from past experiences that are not "failures" but are opportunities for expansion and growth.

Please don't misunderstand us and think that we are recommending that because you don't like something about your current partner or job that you "throw them away" and get another "model."

What we are recommending is that you take the opportunity to become emotionally aware, like "Jane" did, as much of the time as possible. Decide that you deserve to have a great relationship and a great life, whatever that means to you.

We are inviting you to learn from the past and the power of contrast so that you can begin creating the life you want.

Here are some ideas to help you...

1. Whenever something is important to you, don't stuff it down and pretend it doesn't matter. Have the courage to share it with your partner.

2. Accept responsibility for your part in past relationships that haven't worked out the way you wanted them to work out. Look for reoccurring patterns that will showyou where you need to heal.

3. Know that there's no such thing as failure in relationships, only experiences that you may not have enjoyed.

4. Embrace the idea that no matter what has happened in your relationships up until now, the future can be different.

So in a sense, each person who comes into our lives is "the perfect partner" for us if we use these experiences that we have with them to heal, learn and grow.

Let us talk about beauty from a different angle!

We have our own criteria for judging the beauty of a woman. We look the beauty of a lady from a certain angle and then pass the remarks whether she is beautiful or not. It’s not fair. Let me tell every woman that she is unique and beautiful.

The business of beauty is thriving everywhere. Women are spending much of their time and money on buying beauty products. Even in the third world countries, women living below the poverty line, buy cheap and substandard beauty products, which give more harm to their skin than good.

It’s the fundamental right of every woman to look beautiful. Every woman wants to listen the sweet words “you are beautiful”. But the beauty of a woman is far from her looks or figure. Physical beauty is only one aspect while a beautiful charming personality is a complete blend of many fine characteristics such as good manners, etiquette, behavior, smile, intelligence, sense of humor, social and family values etc., all make a woman look beautiful and attractive.

Didn’t you know that there is a marked difference between a carefully hand woven expensive Persian carpet and a cheap machine made carpet. Both of these cannot be equated. A beautiful woman is like an elegant hand-knotted Persian carpet. Each and every silky, colorful thread of her character, nicely woven into her personality, gives a woman an everlasting beauty and attraction.

Looks are very important indeed but the characteristics of a person are much more important. Besides taking care of your physical beauty, why not think of improving your inner beauty. The beauty which everyone admires is becoming a rare commodity these days. While on your way to a beauty parlor keep on thinking ways of improving your inner beauty.

Take care of yourself and take care of your inner beauty. No doubt you are a beautiful person.

Any time you spend around that toxic dragon , you are adding another cup full of misery to your life. You must accept that the toxic person you are with will not change, does not want to change, and does not want you to change. The toxic people want to keep poisoning you with their behavior and feel that they have every right to do so.

Toxic people roam around freely and openly because they can. They take our energy, strength, love, and our precious time on this earth. This goes on and on and slowly before we know it, our lives are used up,our hearts and souls are ruined, and the dragon keeps on going like the energizer bunny.

This is a truth that each of us needs to understand. Some people cannot be around each other, be together, or even mix without harmful effects. There are definite mismatches that were never meant to be and certainly were not meant to continue.

Coming to grips with the fact that you must leave a toxic relationship is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. It is a life changing experience and you have to have the strength to do it.

Get Prepared To Slay The Dragon By Doing These Simple tasks:

Sit down with a friend, co worker, a neighbor, or a family member and review what is going on in the toxic relationship. You need someone who can help you put the whole situation in perspective. Unfortunately we may be so close we cannot see the forest through the trees. Maybe we have started to think all of this is our fault. (It isn't.) Make a list of what has been going on, the things that have been said or done which have left you feeling destroyed. Talk about how that toxic person makes you feel and how so far you have felt powerless to change things.

Realize that love and pain are not one and the same. You do not have a good or healthy relationship if you feel drained, used, hurt, and humiliated by that person. If you are angry, depressed, lonely, hurt when you are with this person, it is no good. It is not love. It is simply an addicition to the toxic drug of choice.

Is there a reason you have been sticking with this relationship which has nothing to do with your feelings? Are you staying in this relationship for your friends, for your parents for your kids? This is not good. The clock is ticking, your life is slipping away. You cannot stay in a toxic relationship for the sake of anyone else. The relationship has lost it's value if being around the person makes you feel horrible. Don't hold onto a hot potato.

Decide if you have to make the break and then do it permanently. No trial separations, no second chances, no giving it more time. Time will only suck more energy out of you and make the dragon stronger. This is asking a lot from you because you have become somewhat used to this toxic relationship. In some ways you find yourself attracted to it, maybe for money, security, sex, etc. Sometimes you have to give up a lot to get out.

Work on your health and physical fitness. Strong body, strong mind. Work on curbing any of your habits which are hurting you, like overeating or using alcohol or drugs. Make sure you are in shape to slay the dragon before you start. The dragon will not go away easily. There may be a confrontation and you need to be strong enough to handle it.

Only you can get yourself out of the toxic relationship. Only you can slay the toxic dragon. You have given the power away to someone who has no love for you. Now is the time to take back the power and take back your life.

SHE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT

Who Is Some Who Loves You?

1. Someone who sees the best in you.

If you were lucky enough to grow up with healthy parents, you have experienced the feeling of having someone who has always looked at your good qualities. Many of us missed that experience. You will be a lucky person if you have found a mate who is always looking at your 'silver lining'. Too often today people are more than willing to judge you by your errors, not by your potential.

2. Someone who gives you the benefit of the doubt.

There are so many times in your life when you need that little edge, that little opportunity to take just that extra step. It can seem as if your efforts are going nowhere and although you want to keep moving forward, there are so many negatives staring you in the face. That person who knows things could go either way for you but takes that leap to believe you will make it is the person who is more valuable to you than gold.

3. Someone who watches over you.

You need a guardian angel who is there, waiting to catch you if you fall, ready to help you when you stumble, ready to pave the way for you when you cannot get moving. There are people who love you who do just that. There are people who do not make a big deal out of saving your bacon. Do you know who they are?

4. Someone to watch you back.

You never know these days who is waiting to catch you off guard, to make sure you don't do well, to sabotage your efforts. You like to think that people will rejoice when you

do well. Many don't. If someone 'has your back' and runs interference for you when you are trying to run the gauntlet through life, give that person a big 'thanks' plus lots of your attention.

5. The person who tells you we all make mistakes.

You hate to be around that judgemental, harsh person who reminds you, 'I told you so', when things so south. You don't need anyone else telling you what you already know. On the other hand there are people who just let you know that the only way any of us learn is through experience. When you have really ended up in the dumper and blew it, stay close to the one who knows that the person who hasn't done anything wrong hasn't done anything much.

6. The person who gives you advice from the heart, not from the head.

When the situation gets rough and some big decisions need to be made, it's fine to have people outline the pros and cons of a problem and give you 'head' answers. But if you need a nudge sometimes to tip the scales, you always listen to this person who knows you must do what will let you live with yourself and have self respect.

7. The person who won't be the 'yes man' who agrees with you

No one who loves you is going to give you the green light and tell you to let er rip if it's clearly going to be bad for you. It's sad that often you surround yourself with people who tell you what you want to hear. The one who loves you will tell you to get help for a drinking or drugging problem, to stop the extramarital affair, and to be a good and decent person.

8. Someone who tells you to knock back, smell the roses, and enjoy life part of the time.

If you are a person who is a real performer and doer, there are likely to be people around you who enjoy the fruits of your labor and want you to do even more. Sometimes you may even see yourself as only valuable when you are giving, doing, and performing. Listen to the person who tells you that life is short and you need breaks and some R&R. That is the person who is looking out for you and your health.

9. The one who smiles at you and means it.

The person who loves you looks at you with eyes that smile and mean it. Too many people give you that slick smile, that quick pat on the back, and then forget that you even exist.

The eyes are the windows of our soul and you can read into a person's smile if it is saying, 'You are a fine person and I want to be with you as long as possible'. Don't fall for any phony smile that attracts you off in another direction, only to leave you stranded and alone.

10. Someone who sees you as beautiful, inside and out.

You know you aren't perfect. There are only too many examples of you looking around and thinking that you have flaws and aren't like the people on television. The person who loves you sees you through eyes of acceptance with no conditions. As you gain a few pounds and your hair gets thin, the person who sees you as attractive, inviting, and appealing is the person who loves you all the way, no strings or demands.

Nowadays, it's really important to know who loves you. Everything in our society is throw away, and many people have carried that over into the most important relationships in their lives. Think hard and look carefully. People who love you , like comfortable clothes, are easy on the heart, mind, and soul.

Have you read or heard about the controversy surrounding the story as to whether Jesus and Mary Magdalene were partners or actually married? There are several books that elude to this matter, including the latest best seller, The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. Let’s suppose for a moment this were actually true. Jesus was in human form after all and he embodied the principles of Divine Love or in other words he was a being of love. So, how would a being of love make physical love? If love’s eternal nature is to keep giving of itself, then would it be safe to say that a Divine being would GIVE love through the sensations of the body’s pure sexuality when making physical love?

What is the body’s pure sexuality? In essence, the body is a universe unto itself. Every internal and external organ works in harmony with each other to assure the survival of the system. The intelligence which governs the body happens naturally, and does not require you to think. For example: Do you have to tell your heart to beat? Of course not. Pure Sexuality is the innocent knowledge of love in the body. The magnetic power of pure sexuality attracts the Divine in another in order to give every quality of Love. This knowledge or intelligence directs the whole body during the making of love through the body’s sensations.

This is also referred to as making love with the Divine in you and in your partner. This is how a spiritual being of love makes physical love. When two partners join with the conscious intent to make Divine physical love, there is no thinking necessary and the love between the partners is then amplified as their vibrations are raised.

How does our thinking get in the way when making love? Thoughts get in the way when certain demands or expectations are placed on the encounter, instead of each partner being in the moment experiencing the beautiful sensations which occur naturally. Thoughts also get in the way when allowed to go to other places, persons or events from the past or to future imaginings during the love making. When this occurs, we lose the connection to the pure sexuality of the body or the Divine.

Everyone has experienced Divine love making at some time or another. These are the sensational moments when we come together without thought involved. We experience the great passion and connection with our partner through the sensations of the bodies. When the love making ends, we produce the vibration of well being and serenity that is recognizable in the presence of others. We remember these times fondly and may long to repeat them, but they cannot be recreated by thinking about them.

You can not make Divine physical love by wanting to recreate the past because your thoughts are in the way. Making Divine Physical love requires you to be the love that you are in the moment and to give from that place with no expectations or demands. If Jesus and Mary made physical love, we believe this is how they would have practiced.

What do you suppose would happen if more people practiced making love this way? Practicing Divine love making can heal and restore an existing relationship or build a powerful foundation in a new relationship. This may be what is needed to end the disharmony, pain and unhappiness that so many suffer from today.

Man and woman have forgotten how to naturally engage the body’s pure sexuality in order to make Divine physical love. This ancient knowledge has been buried under the piles of self absorption and self justification that humanity has been practicing for thousands of years. Giving up these behaviors is the key to freedom and the greatest challenge to realizing the way to Divine love.

When pure sexuality is present, the making of love between man and woman releases energies that are stored in the bodies creating a space for LOVE to expand which increases the vibratory rates of each person. Making love then becomes an opportunity to grow the knowledge of love and restore harmony. This occurs through the release of the finer energies that are exchanged through the organs of love during the making of love. This is really a great miracle and women can especially benefit from these releases, as they tend to store more emotion in their bodies than men do. This also can be transformational and restore man and woman to their true nature or the being the love that they are.

Practicing Divine love making is as natural as breathing once we get our thoughts out of the way. The effort lies in the great undoing that must occur to allow the Authority of love to command our lives. We can return to this beautiful state of being by practicing honest communication and making our intentions with our partners pure. The Authority of Love is ever present and available to us every moment. When we consciously choose to align with this presence, we begin to experience more Divine love in our lives. Is there anyone on earth that would not benefit from having more love in their life?

Those who choose to consciously practice Divine love making can experience a transformation that benefits all their relationships through the realization of something greater than themselves. This is the awesome power of the Authority of Love that lives within each of us.

Making out your Advance Directives must be first on your to do list. It is better to plan in advance then to rely on fantasies of how we think others would react to making decisions for us. Others may make decisions that may be in their own best interest not yours. Unplanned events sometimes occur in our lives that may take away the opportunity for us to make our own decisions. Why burden others with expense and timely legal problems.

A living will allows you to document your wishes concerning medical treatment when you are unable to speak for your self or nearing the end of life. A medical power of attorney allows you to appoint someone to be your health care agent, usually some one you trust, who will be authorized to make medical and health care decisions, (medical treatment, care provider and environment) on your behalf.

No matter what your age is or how long you expect to be in good health or to be alive planning for your health care in the event of a medical health crisis is a priority. Give yourself a voice. For many of us it is very difficult to talk to the ones we love about events that we do not want to see as possible or inevitable.

Talking to those you love about what to do in the event of a medical health crisis is important even though it is impossible to foresee every event or circumstance. Bringing in your family and friends into the process will help you get a feeling for who may be best able and willing to support the decisions that are import ant for you.

When talking about your decisions it is important to consider your values and beliefs, as this is very personal. Advance Directives can be changed as your health circumstance changes. With age and change in life style habits our physical bodies may be prone to certain disease progression or debilitating impairments of one kind or another. So reviewing and updating your advance directives is important.

Talk to your medical provider or doctor and let then know that you are making your advance directives. They will be glad to know this. Your doctor can answer your questions about your health and explain treatments and possible outcomes. Let your Doctor know about the quality of life you want in the event of a medical health crisis. Find out if your doctor is willing to follow your wishes, as the law does not require them to, if they disagree and feel it is unethical or against their morals.

Consider the following:

• Current age, life style and activity.
• How you feel about doctors, caregivers and care-giving environments.
• Your religious beliefs and your morals, values and ethical attitudes about care and illness.
• Attitude about control and independence and the possible loss.
• Health, illness, fearful situations of death and dying.

When you are ready to appoint a health care agent you may want to select some one you trust and understands your decisions. The person you select can be a spouse/partner, family member or a friend. It needs to be some one who is willing to act on your behalf. Some individuals may not be able to act on your behalf if they do not understand or agree with what you determine is the best and appropriate treatment for you. It is important to clarify what you want to reduce any remorseful feelings. Keep in mind that health care agents can make medical decisions when you are unable to, not just at life end.

You can obtain Advance Directives and Medical Power of Attorneys from your local hospital, long-term care facility, your physician may have them available, your local libraries reference desk, and your local Senior Law Office.

Glass ceiling or partners in sabotage? While the glass ceiling exists, very often women undermine their success by how they communicate in the workplace. We’ve learned to dress for success but have we learned the language of success? When Catalyst, a non-profit organization dealing with women’s issues asked

“What holds women back from top management?”
Fifty-two per cent said “Male stereotyping and preconceptions of women.”

When they asked “How can women succeed?”
Sixty-one per cent said “Developing a style with which male managers are comfortable.” It seems communication style is vitally important.

Here are ten ways women weaken their image and what they can be do about it.

1.Too much head nodding-When women nod, they mean “I hear you,”
“I understand.” Men interpret head nodding as agreement with their ideas.
Too much head nodding will be perceived as weakness and may result in miscommunication. Continual head bobbing creates a subliminal message of submissiveness.

2.Uptalk-A rising inflection at the end of a sentence sounds tentative, as if posing a question. This is a real credibility killer. Women will not be taken seriously with this vocal pattern. To speak with authority practice bringing the voice down at the end of a sentence. American intonation patterns use a downward inflection to declare or demand and a rising inflection to question or indicate uncertainty.

This is not true for all cultures. In Canada, India, Pakistan, France and China it is more commonplace to hear the voice rise at the end of a sentence. This pattern is sometimes used by American men in the South or by Generation X. It is not effective for either sex.

3. Weak Language
Tag lines-Some communicators make a statement and then ask for validation. “This is a good idea, don’t you think? “We have the best team, right?” Tag lines weaken conviction and authority. Eliminate them.

Modifiers-Words such as some, just, only, hopefully, and guess, minimize the message and the messenger. “This is just a thought.” “I’m only a beginner,” “Hopefully, I’ve done a good job,” “I guess I have a question,” are weak statements. They signal a lack of confidence and tell the listener that it’s not very important. Constant apologizing is not appropriate and will have the same effect. Weed out wimpy words and replace them with powerful language. This is most commonly a female pattern.
time to sound confident and full of conviction.

4.Allowing interruptions-Men jump in and say what they think. They tend to interrupt more than women. Women are more likely to allow themselves to be cut off and lose credit for their ideas. Instead, they can say, “I’m not finished,” “ Please hold your questions,” “These interruptions break everyone’s train of thought” or continue talking and finish your point.

5.Not speaking up (Waiting to be called on)-Still waters may run deep but in our business culture, people who don’t speak up are perceived as not knowing anything. Commit to making one contribution at every meeting. It may be as simple as underscoring a point or adding to what ‘s been said. Some women wait to be called on or have difficulty taking the floor. It may be necessary to interrupt to have your say. Do it. You must be heard to be a counted.

6.Dressing too sexy-A visual impression takes seven seconds or less. Clothing and appearance are a visual shorthand. Women who wear spiked heels, low cut blouses, heavy make-up, and micro-mini skirts are communicating sexual availability rather than career mobility. To succeed in the workplace, women must dress the part. You don’t have to sacrifice femininity, but don’t appear too flashy. The goal is to look professionally attractive. To achieve advancement, dress one level above your present position. If you are a supervisor, dress, like a manager. On the opposite end of the continuum, executive women may dress too frumpy. At senior levels it’s no longer what you know but who you are as a leader. If a woman executive doesn’t look the part, she’ll lose respect and credibility.

7.Too soft spoken-A soft or breathy voice may sound sexy but it indicates insecurity or lack of confidence.
Breathe from the diaphragm and project the voice so that every person at the meeting can hear. If they have to strain to listen, they will tune you out. A speaker loses conviction when ideas are presented in a soft voice. Confident women project their voices.

8.Allowing others to take credit for ideas-A common complaint of women is that men take credit for their ideas. When this happens women must learn to speak up and claim their contributions. “Excuse me, I just said that a minute ago.” “How is that different from what I just proposed?” Do not sit quietly while someone intercepts your idea.

9.Weak Body posture-Cute gestures such as shrugging shoulders, not making direct eye contact, standing with one leg crossed at the ankle and a weak handshake will weaken one’s visual impact. Men naturally take up more space. Hold your ground. Stand tall and sit up straight, make direct eye contact and ground your energy. Channel nervousness by using hand gestures about the waist. Act like you belong. You have a right to be there.

10.Avoiding public speaking. This is one of the biggest mistakes women can make in their careers. Men don’t have a glass ceiling. Public speaking is an opportunity for visibility and equal exposure. Confront your fear, get some coaching, and get out there and shine.

Early Versus Late Potty Training
Many doctors and psychologists will tell you that you do not want to potty train your child early. They think that it is not conducive to helping the child when it comes to doing potty training early. As a matter of fact, they feel that potty training your child early takes longer than potty training your child at a later stage of the game.

In other words, what they mean is a child potty trained at the age of four might take a day to do while a child potty trained at the age three, might take three days to do and so on.

Now, I do not know how true these numbers are or what their statistics are, but let us look at the facts in reality versus how many days it takes to potty train.

Let's assume that at the age four it takes you two days to potty train your child versus at the age three it takes ten days to potty train your child, which is an extreme difference. Psychologists will have you believe it is better to potty train your child at four because it takes less work. Well, as a parent, wouldn't an extra ten days a year earlier make more sense to you than waiting a year to save three days worth of work.

Psychologists do not understand the work that is involved when it comes to having to change diapers and underwear and cleaning soil-filled clothes on a daily basis.

I do not know about you, but I would rather spend 15 days at the age of 2 and get potty training out of the way than wait 2 years and spend 3 days at the age of 4.

Now when you mention early potty training, most people really are thinking about potty training starting as early as one year or younger. Some cultures start potty training as six weeks.

In my opinion, it is not a bad idea to introduce your child to the potty as early as possible, even if that is six or seven months, do not be afraid to introduce your child to the potty.

Now, that does not mean taking your child and saying they have to do potty inside the toilet, but it is saying letting them sit on the potty, letting them get used to being on the potty.

What this does is, when you are ready to start potty training, you will essentially be able to get rid of the resistance that the child will have to the potty. See, the problem most parents have with potty training is they are introducing too many variables into the equation. Variable one is the toilet, or the potty. Variable two is no diapers. Variable three is potty training. So, there are a lot of things that you are asking the child to do at one shot.

What you want to do is start a little bit early. Start only by introducing your child to the potty so they can sit down, even if it is for five minutes a few times a day. Just sit down on the potty so that they can get used to being on it.

This sets the stage for when your expectations are for them to do potty in the toilet. There will be less resistance that other will go through.